That's when you crack a 10am beer
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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