In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
