seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
