but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
