I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
