i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
