I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
