lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
