Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
