you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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