i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
