there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
