I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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