you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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