Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
