Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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