Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here