What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed