if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.