Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
