You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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