Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
