sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
