Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
