its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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