sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
