you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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