Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
