you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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