I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
