i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
