wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
