i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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