so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
