wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They took my balls.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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