I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
