i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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