You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
