I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize