you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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