What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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