at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
