Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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