even my farts smell like vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
