Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
