Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do herpes really smell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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