he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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