If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hippo gnu deer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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