someone threw a dead crab at me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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