I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
