Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
