you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
