I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
