Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
