Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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