this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
