She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
