Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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