Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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