i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
