I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
